Facts Of Life - Paige and Emily continuation of 4x09
by paily-pll
Summary: After the less than successful surprise birthday party for Emily, they laid silently in bed until Paige couldn't stand the silence any longer. Is it really the end for them once college arrives? Are they already over? Here Emily and Paige discuss what they're future actually holds...


Paige laid there silently for a couple of minutes, her skin slowly starting to crawl before she couldn't hold it any longer.

"Em..." She mumbled, turning her head to look at the back of her girl.

Emily didn't even flinch. But she knew she was awake, she could hear it in her breathing. Emily continued to lay still, her anger having slowly decreased to be left with an empty feeling. An empty feeling of dread and sadness over everything she'd been through in the last 24 hours. Mostly though her head was occupied by the dock conversation she'd had with the girl that lay just behind her. _'Could I really be losing her...?_' played over in her mind, so much so that she couldn't bring herself to turn around and see those ever knowing eyes.

Paige rolled onto her side, looking at the back of Emily and felt the pit of her stomach swirl.. _'We're not going to be together next year'_ rang over and over in her head. The thought of not being with Emily killed her. But she had seen it in Emily's eyes too, she was sure that Emily was blaming herself. Like this was all her fault. And yet all Paige felt was her own guilt building. She should never have thrown a surprise party, she knew Emily wasn't great with surprises, let alone planning it for the night of her meeting with Dominic. And that meeting now felt like a terrible idea. And maybe she could've done more months ago... Before she'd found out about Emilys shoulder, she'd thought A had backed off, she had wanted more than anything to believe that. And then when Stanford came along, everything fell into place...

But now, now she was losing Emily and the sight of her turned back made her feel like she'd lost her already.

Paige scrunched her eyes closed and took a deep breath, forcing herself not to cry, she couldn't. Not now. She'd never stop. But it made her feel physically sick, she couldn't lose Emily. Yes 3000 miles was a long way, yes four years was a long time. But she was only saying all that because she was scared of what Emily would find whilst she was gone, of who Emily might find...

And it's then that she realised, she had the best intentions for sure. But mixed within them, were those old nagging thoughts that she wasn't good enough, that maybe they weren't good enough, strong enough to with stand four years apart... But as she opened her eyes, hearing Emily still steadily breathing, she knew she was wrong.

"Im so sorry Em..." She all but whispered, unable even in her own mind to pinpoint what part exactly she was sorry for.

"I know..." She heard in the softest of whispers and it made her heart skip a beat. "Me too."

"Emily..."

"It's ok Paige, I'm ok" she heard again and she knew Emily was just trying to reassure her that she wasn't still angry or upset, trying to put off having to talk about anything that hurts so much, but Paige couldn't stand the sight of Emily's back any longer.

In one soft and skilfull move, she slipped her arm under the covers, around Emily's waist and pulled the girl flush into her, Paige melting in behind and holding her close. Emily froze but quickly sighed and relaxed, Paige feeling Emily's breathing speed up just slightly at being pulled so close. Paige took a second to feel it, feel how it really was to have Emily so close, before she sighed against her.

"It's not ok. None of this is ok... But it is ok to admit that". Paige whispered as her lips gently brushed the back of Emily's neck.

Emily shivered, sighed and reached for Paige's hand all at once. She linked her fingers with the hand around her waist and moved her feet back just a little so that their legs were touching the whole way, not a single gap between them.

"I just... Don't know how to handle any of this. I don't know what to do Paige..." And it sounds so helpless that Paige all but broke down.

Before she could think of anything to say, she found herself placing a soft kiss to the back of Emily's neck as she held her tight and it seems it was all that was needed.

"...The worst thing is, I can't help but think how much I'm going to miss this..." Emily said as her voiced cracked and her hands held Paige tight, but Paige in turn stayed silent and she kissed her twice more. Forcing herself not to brake down at the fact she had been thinking the exact same thing…

"You know I love you right?" Paige questioned after a soft silence had formed and Emily nodded against her. "And you love me...?"

"Of course I do Paige but..."

"Just hear me out for a second" Paige interrupted still talking to the back of Emilys neck. "I love you... God it took me so long to say that..." Paige mumbled as she got lost in her head. "And as much as I love laying with you like this, I need to see you..." Paige added, realising she need Emily to be looking at her when she spoke. She needed the confidence Emilys eyes gave her in order to say everything she wanted too.

Emily shuffled in Paige's hold and slowly turned to face her. She kept her gaze low until Paige nudged her with her hand on Emily's hip.

"That's better..." Paige smiled, "and to think, it's the first time we've had a place to ourselves, away from everyone... And this is how it turns out..." Paige mumbled, again trailing off in her own thoughts.

"I'm sorry for tonight."

"No Em, I didn't mean.." Paige scolded herself, hating once again her ability to mess up her words.

"But I am... I do understand why you did everything today. The meeting and the party and everything..."

"It was just all too much at once" Paige finished for her and Emily smiled softly.

"A quiet night just you and me would have been enough, that's all I mean". She said sweetly, ensuring to hold Paige's eye line and reassure her in her gaze alone that she still appreciated the effort.

"Em, about Dominic and Stanf..."

"Paige don't" Emily half warned, half whined as her gaze immediately dropped.

"Just... just let me say what I wish I'd said earlier..." She hesitated and waited for Emily to look back to her, all be it sheepishly. "I realised something before... The second you said we had to face facts, I came to terms with the only fact that matters to me."

She pauses and trailed her hand lightly round to Emily's lower back, bringing her just a little closer so Emily had nowhere to look but her. "You're it for me. You're all I'll ever want and all I'll ever need. It doesn't matter where we are in the country, that isn't going to change." She added as Emily swallowed hard.

"But you said yourself, 3000 miles..."

"Is a long way, I know." Paige finished. "But honestly… I think that came from a place of uncertainty I didn't even realise I still had."

"What do you mean?" Emily questioned as she looked at Paige fully, curiously.

"I mean, I've faced facts. I know what I want, _who_ I want for the rest of my life... Whether they're 3000 miles away for 4 years or not. But..."

"But what Paige?" Emily urged after seconds of silence and it was Paige's turn to try as avoid her all knowing eyes.

"But I don't know if that's what you want..." She paused as Emily tensed in her hold, even so she decided it was now or never and attempted to bring all her McCullers confidence into play. "I'm talking forever Em. I'm talking struggling through college and swimming and the distance... And -A, and our families and... Everything. And not giving up or ever thinking that just because something is going to be hard, unbelievably hard, that maybe it isn't worth a shot."

Emily laid silent, holding Paige's eye line throughout before her eyes began to search her face. Paige's eyes, nose, lips. The way a strand of hair fell effortlessly on her face. And with Paige's words still rippling through the air, Emilys heart slowly began to race. But her face didn't change, and that made Paige's stomach curl in an uncomfortable way, making her feel like she needed to continue, needed to remind Emily what they had.

"You told me you wanted a life together, and it seemed that that would've included Stanford, for both of us. But even if it doesn't, I know I still want that life. No matter what, but I just don't know if..."

"Just stop". Emily suddenly interrupted, Paige raising her previously lowered gaze immediately up to Emily's to see an intense, soul seeing stare looking back at her and her heart raced. She was just unsure whether it was in a good or bad way.

"Just stop talking" Emily repeated and Paiges stomach dropped again, settling on a bad, anxious feeling that maybe he worries were right.

"…God I love you" was whispered, sighed lovingly against her as suddenly Emily's lips were on hers.

It was unexpected. The second Paige had thought that maybe Emily didn't want that life if it didn't include Stanford. That maybe Emily had realised she couldn't be that girl in the stands watching her swim... at just that second, lips collided softly into hers. Paige had quickly caught up though. Humming into Emily's lips and kissing her back, pulling her close as Emily rolls half on top of her. Emily had one hand, as always, cupping Paiges face while the other held her close. Emily kissed her hard before slowing slightly, trying to show Paige how sorry she was. Sorry for ever thinking that just because they weren't going to be together next year, that maybe they wouldn't be together at all…

She had never said it, but they both knew that's what she meant. And she couldn't feel more stupid.

"D'you wanna hear something...?" Emily questioned as she pulled away just inches, meaning her breath swept over Paiges slightly wet lips as she recovered from the kiss.

"What, something funny?" Paige smirked with her eyes still closed, remembering all those moments back when Emily had first admitted she _'looked for guys like her'_.

"No" Emily laughed and nudged her, slipping off Paige but sticking close to her side as Paige finally opened her glazed eyes. "I realised my fact... the one that matters most" Emily paused as Paige locked eyes with her, tensing slightly under Emilys touch.

"I want you." Emily stated simply and Paige couldn't help the beaming smile that stretched across her face or the way her heart suddenly tripled in pace. "I want you. I need you. I love you." Emily adds as Paige sighs in disbelief, it wouldn't matter how many times she was told it, Paige was sure she'd always need to hear it just once more.  
"Nothing else matters… it just doesn't. I mean look at everything that has happened to me, to us" Emily states. "But at the end of it, I want to be with you. Always. It doesn't matter whether we're at Stanford… I think I just didn't let myself accept it you know..?" Emily trailed off, looking up to Paige and she could see it in her face that she knew.

"I just… the pain I already feel at being so far away from you, it's… it's not something I thought I could deal with. That not only is that dream over for me, but it ruins our dream... But you're right," Emily began again as she took a deep breath and locked eyes with Paige. "I still want that life. I wanna be with you. Only you" She smiled, repeating her words from weeks ago and meaning them just as much.

"Thank God…" Paige sighed, laughed and then smirked into Emilys lips as she kissed her quick, wrapped her arms around her and held her tight as Emily laughed against her skin.

"...I am going to miss this though" Emily spoke into the slowly formed silence as she nuzzled close.

"I know, me too. But not because we won't ever be able to have it again. Just because we'll have to wait a little for it." Paige spoke softly into the top of Emilys head as they laid close. "And I take it you won't let me talk about maybe not going to Stanford…"

"Not a chance" Emily confirmed without a beat, voice low and adamant. So much so that Paige just laughed.

"Didn't think so"

"There's no way that you're not going to swim just because I can't."

"Right now… you can't right now" Paige interrupted.

"I know, I can't right now. But honestly, I think I need to start realising that I might not ever swim again. I need to be able to see that happening because if I don't… If I don't prepare myself for that and it happens anyway…"

"I know. It's ok" Paige finished for her, squeezing her before nudging Emily to look up at her. "Whether you swim or don't. Whether I swim or don't. It doesn't matter, it's how we met each other but not who we're always going to be… and that's ok". Paige spoke and Emilys eyes widened, that being the first time Paige had ever admitted there was life beyond the pool.

Paige laughed before she rolled on her side and Emily moved with her so they laid face to face, only inches apart as their hands found each others and soft expanses of skin to rest on.

"I've told you, it's a life with you I want. Not a life as a swimmer. There's more to life now…" Paige whispered into the small space between them as Emilys breathing increased at once more having their 'life' together mentioned.  
Not just a moment in time, a date for next week or a party in a months time. But an actual future with the girl she loved, and it made her stomach drop and blood run just that little bit faster. The smile that was glued to Emilys face as she thought, brought Paiges confidence back.

"So… you need to turn back over? You seemed comfy earlier, giving me that cold shoulder" she smirked as Emily shoved her lightly.

"Shut up… I didn't know what to say"

"Oh really, for once you were lost for words!" Paige joked, her sarcasm finally coming back as she felt Emilys hand slip back around her waist.

"Maybe" Emily whispered, a hint of vulnerability seeped through urging Paige to speak.

"Well, you can turn back around if you want but I'll still be here. The thing is... I can't sleep without seeing you if I have the chance" Paige hesitated as she raised her free hand, Emily watching her…  
"To actually have you here, to see you before I close my eyes" Paige paused again, the increase in both their breathing noticeable. "Your eyes... Your nose, your flawless skin and..." Paige listed as she trailed the tips of her fingers across Emilys features before halting at her jaw.

"What...?" Emily stuttered through an intense blush, her vulnerability forgotten as she felt Paige's breath sweep over her.

"It's just.." Paige mumbled, her eyes glued to Emily's lips, a blush over her cheeks.

"What Paige, just say it..." Emily urged, feeling her confidence return as she moved just an inch closer, their noses brushed as she felt Paiges eyes continuing to burn their gaze on her lips.

Emily in turn lowered her gaze and saw Paige stuttering, and there she lay waiting for her to say her lips, her mouth. Waiting for Paige to admit that she couldn't not kiss her before she fell asleep. Because it's what Emily wished for before she closed her own eyes every night…

And at that second, Paige attempted to speak once more before she sighed and gave in, instead choosing to tilt her head and softly connect her lips with Emilys. Emily sighed against her and smiled, both held close and revealed in the feeling, the knowledge that what they had was forever.

"You know I've never been good with words." Paige mumbled as she pulled back just an inch.

"That'll do" Emily smiled as she leaned in close once more and succumbed happily to the life she knew she'd always dreamt of.

The life that had already started without her really realising it.

And as Paige griped her hand as their kiss continued, she realised just one more fact. That actually, that life started the moment she admitted, she'd always _looked for guys like Paige_…

* * *

_There ya go ya'll. Quick lil continuation because I so wanted that bed scene to be a cute moment. Where they actually worked things out... but that of course wouldn't allow for the show to slowly start distancing Paige like I've thought would happen since the start of the season. And that sucks! But... we will always have ff. haha._  
_Lemme know what you think, follow, review e.t.c :-D_


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